Late night Political Satire

"Lip-synching – let that be a lesson; if you are in Washington DC and you open your mouth and another voice comes out, it better be the NRA, an oil company, or a bank." –Bill Maher

"Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana said 'we must stopped being the stupid party.' Good luck with that. When Sarah Palin heard that, she demanded an apology. She said, 'How dare he insult hard-working, patriotic, idiotic Americans like me.'" –Bill Maher

"Tom Tancredo, who was a congressman from Colorado and ran for president, made a bet that his state would not legalize marijuana. And of course, he lost that bet. And you know what he has to do because he lost that bet? Yes, he's got a suck on a joint. I just hope in the next few years he loses a bet on gay marriage." –Bill Maher

 "New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is getting big-time financial support for his re-election campaign, a fundraiser hosted by Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. That means the creator of the world's largest social network is raising money for the world's largest governor." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Why does Mark Zuckerberg need to raise a fundraiser worth $12 billion. Write a check and be done with the whole thing." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Did you know when you poke Chris Christie on Facebook, your computer giggles like the Pillsbury Doughboy?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama delivered his inaugural address, which set a more liberal tone for his second term, especially the part where he showered the crowd with birth control pills." –Seth Meyers

"House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama's focus is to annihilate the Republican Party. Do Republicans look like they need any help from President Obama? They're doing a hell of a job themselves." –Jay Leno

Absurd School simulated gunfire

Well the drill isn't the issue, but they want to have someone shooting blanks in the hallway "in an effort to provide our teachers and students some familiarity with the sound of gunfire."  One parent said "They run fire drills all the time, but they don't run up and down the hallway with a flamethrower.".

Gun Appreciation idiots part 2

We can only laugh at Political Media, and their director Larry Ward for their new pro-gun PR campaign named ""What Would Django Do?" to attract minorities to the NRA.  These same folks hosted Gun Appreciation Day resulting in several gun-inflicted injuries across the country.  This new campaign is based on the recent movie by Quentin Tarantino's latest film (Tarantino is personally not a gun nut).  Ward says "Django is perfect for what we’re trying to do, which is to promote gun rights to minorities.", although he hasn't apparently the brains to realize the movie "is most memorable for the fact that its titular character slaughters nearly every white person he sees—armed or unarmed, male or female—and with relish.".

Idiots.

Riding a Dead Horse

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses.

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to qualify as a dead horse rider.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Pass legislation declaring that "This horse is not dead."
9. Unilaterally declaring, "no horse is too dead to beat."
10. Blaming the horse's parents.
11. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
12. Do a Cost Analysis Study to see if contractors can ride the horse cheaper.
13. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.
14. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
15. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

15,000 crocodiles

I have no idea why someone would have a crocodile farm with over 15,000 of the creepy critters, but somebody in South Africa does, and after heavy rain and flooding, 15,000 of them are on the loose.  Here is a video of the crocs being rounded up.  They gave some helpful hints to nearby residents.

Zane Langman, whose in-laws own the farm, advised neighbouring residents that under no circumstances should they attempt to capture a crocodile by its tail.

"The animal will turn around and bite you," he warned.

It would also be unwise to attempt to feed the beasts, he said.

Instead, he said residents should steer clear of wandering crocodiles, which have now spread far and wide, with one spotted on the rugby pitch of a school 75 miles away.

Filibuster still intact

In a parody of governance that more resembled the wreck of the Titanic, the Senate leaders reached a deal that insures business as usual and will still enable government to be as dysfunctional as before.  They rearranged a couple of rules about when a filibuster can occur, but all in all nothing has changed.  All the Senate Democrats gushed over the deal, probably because Reid and McConnell finally agreed on something, which almost guarantees it will be ineffective.  Ron Wyden signaled he was sorry for Jeff, but sounded like he would vote for the change.  Sad day for reform hopes, with sadder days in the senate in coming months.

Silly concerns

I had to laugh at this Salon Article by Mary Elizabeth Williams - she is aghast that Michelle Obama put her elbow on the table, OMG! while rolling her eyes at Boehner.  Sorry Mary, I can't get worked up about this one.