Late night Political Satire

"Lip-synching – let that be a lesson; if you are in Washington DC and you open your mouth and another voice comes out, it better be the NRA, an oil company, or a bank." –Bill Maher

"Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana said 'we must stopped being the stupid party.' Good luck with that. When Sarah Palin heard that, she demanded an apology. She said, 'How dare he insult hard-working, patriotic, idiotic Americans like me.'" –Bill Maher

"Tom Tancredo, who was a congressman from Colorado and ran for president, made a bet that his state would not legalize marijuana. And of course, he lost that bet. And you know what he has to do because he lost that bet? Yes, he's got a suck on a joint. I just hope in the next few years he loses a bet on gay marriage." –Bill Maher

 "New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is getting big-time financial support for his re-election campaign, a fundraiser hosted by Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. That means the creator of the world's largest social network is raising money for the world's largest governor." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Why does Mark Zuckerberg need to raise a fundraiser worth $12 billion. Write a check and be done with the whole thing." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Did you know when you poke Chris Christie on Facebook, your computer giggles like the Pillsbury Doughboy?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama delivered his inaugural address, which set a more liberal tone for his second term, especially the part where he showered the crowd with birth control pills." –Seth Meyers

"House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama's focus is to annihilate the Republican Party. Do Republicans look like they need any help from President Obama? They're doing a hell of a job themselves." –Jay Leno

Absurd School simulated gunfire

Well the drill isn't the issue, but they want to have someone shooting blanks in the hallway "in an effort to provide our teachers and students some familiarity with the sound of gunfire."  One parent said "They run fire drills all the time, but they don't run up and down the hallway with a flamethrower.".

Gun Appreciation idiots part 2

We can only laugh at Political Media, and their director Larry Ward for their new pro-gun PR campaign named ""What Would Django Do?" to attract minorities to the NRA.  These same folks hosted Gun Appreciation Day resulting in several gun-inflicted injuries across the country.  This new campaign is based on the recent movie by Quentin Tarantino's latest film (Tarantino is personally not a gun nut).  Ward says "Django is perfect for what we’re trying to do, which is to promote gun rights to minorities.", although he hasn't apparently the brains to realize the movie "is most memorable for the fact that its titular character slaughters nearly every white person he sees—armed or unarmed, male or female—and with relish.".

Idiots.

Riding a Dead Horse

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. However, in business we often try other strategies with dead horses.

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing the standards to qualify as a dead horse rider.
7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
8. Pass legislation declaring that "This horse is not dead."
9. Unilaterally declaring, "no horse is too dead to beat."
10. Blaming the horse's parents.
11. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
12. Do a Cost Analysis Study to see if contractors can ride the horse cheaper.
13. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.
14. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
15. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

15,000 crocodiles

I have no idea why someone would have a crocodile farm with over 15,000 of the creepy critters, but somebody in South Africa does, and after heavy rain and flooding, 15,000 of them are on the loose.  Here is a video of the crocs being rounded up.  They gave some helpful hints to nearby residents.

Zane Langman, whose in-laws own the farm, advised neighbouring residents that under no circumstances should they attempt to capture a crocodile by its tail.

"The animal will turn around and bite you," he warned.

It would also be unwise to attempt to feed the beasts, he said.

Instead, he said residents should steer clear of wandering crocodiles, which have now spread far and wide, with one spotted on the rugby pitch of a school 75 miles away.

Filibuster still intact

In a parody of governance that more resembled the wreck of the Titanic, the Senate leaders reached a deal that insures business as usual and will still enable government to be as dysfunctional as before.  They rearranged a couple of rules about when a filibuster can occur, but all in all nothing has changed.  All the Senate Democrats gushed over the deal, probably because Reid and McConnell finally agreed on something, which almost guarantees it will be ineffective.  Ron Wyden signaled he was sorry for Jeff, but sounded like he would vote for the change.  Sad day for reform hopes, with sadder days in the senate in coming months.

Silly concerns

I had to laugh at this Salon Article by Mary Elizabeth Williams - she is aghast that Michelle Obama put her elbow on the table, OMG! while rolling her eyes at Boehner.  Sorry Mary, I can't get worked up about this one.

Justice Denied, Too Big to Jail

I am appalled that this program is not on the front page of every newspaper and news program in the land and a major source of scandal for the Obama Administration.  I have detailed before how Jeff Merkley has demanded an explanation from Eric Holder about the "Too big to jail" policy at the DOJ, and so far has had no response.  This is a total breakdown in the rule of law in our country.

PBS Frontline "The Untouchables" program did an hour show detailing how the Obama Administration has disabled the rule of law for Wall Street.  As this article in Salon shows, it is now an official policy that no large bankers will go to jail.

"Rooted in historical comparison, it contrasts how the Reagan administration prosecuted thousands of bankers after the now-quaint-looking S&L scandal with how the Obama administration betrayed the president’s explicit promise to “hold Wall Street accountable” and refused to prosecute a single banker connected to 2008′s apocalyptic financial meltdown.
The piece by PBS reporter Martin Smith looks at how Obama has driven federal prosecutions of financial crimes down to a two-decade low. It also documents the rampant and calculated mortgage securities fraud perpetrated by the major Wall Street banks, who, not coincidentally, were using some of the profits they made to become among President Obama’s biggest campaign donors."

Hey, where's that bridge?

The Sellwood bridge spanning the Willamette River in Portland is in dire need of repair, on a Federal bridge safety rating, it was a 2 (on a scale of 0 - 100).  It was in such bad shape that it was held together with glue, literally.  It carried a lot of traffic daily and if they closed it for two years, the commute would have been miserable, so instead they moved it to temporary piers 60 feet downstream. 

It weighs 6.8 million pounds and is 1,100 feet long.  It took 50 hydraulic jacks to lift it and nudge it down the rails to the temporary location 60 feet downstream.  A new bridge will be build on the original spot.

The article has a time-lapse video of the move.

Oregon guns, we have nuts too

Today Steve Duin of the Oregonian roasted some of our lunatic Oregon sheriffs (Tim Mueller in Linn County and Jim Hensley in Crook County) in the Oregonian for proclaiming that they "aren't allowed to enforce federal laws." and they would "intercept "federal officers" at the county line" rather than endure any changes in gun legislation.

Our guys in Oregon can be just as nuts as anybody else, so take that Texas.

Why didn't I ever think of that?

Well, I'm not dishonest enough to do it, but it had to happen somewhere.  A Computerworld article documented a software developer who collected a salary of hundreds of thousands outsourced his work to a group in China for about fifty thousand, while he watched cat videos at work.

Texas, We Love Guns

The Attorney General of Texas has a message for New Yorkers, "Y'all come to Texas and bring your guns".  This nut wants to be the next Governor and he is running ads and a Facebook page.  One ad says in classic Western script: "WANTED: Law abiding New York gun owners seeking lower taxes and greater opportunities." and since Texas has no income tax "You’ll also get to keep more of what you earn and use some of that extra money to buy more ammo,”.

The awesomeness of Ron Wyden

I am sometimes vexed with Ron Wyden, especially when he fails to agree 100% with my thoughts, but I have to hand it to him in his unwavering efforts to preserve our civil liberties in Congress, especially when the government has granted itself the right of warrantless wiretapping and secretive rules on drone killings.  He along with our other Senator Jeff Merkley has kept up the pressure on the administration to provide better oversight and transparency of the rules governing spying on US citizens, and the rules of due process when a US citizen is targeted in a drone strike.  Some recent articles on his efforts are here and here.

Portland got Weirder

We now have a new weird millionaire that plans to call Portland his home.  He gave an exclusive interview to Willamette published in three parts, see Part1, Part2, and Part3.  Bets are being accepted on how soon he'll show up on an episode of Portlandia.  He is reportedly house hunting in the West Hills area.

Congress Money Game

NPR posted this article that shows a PowerPoint slide giving new members a suggested daily schedule - it suggests they spend 4 hours every day dialing up possible donors for donations.  Studies show that in the House the one with the most money wins 90% of the time, in the Senate it's 80%.  That doesn't leave enough time to legislate, but reelection is the priority.

If a congressman/congresswoman is worth about $50 an hour, that's about $100,000 in fund raising overhead every year, not to mention the waste of time.

The Swiss Bank Stonewall Cracked

Wegelin & Co., founded in 1741 as the oldest Swiss bank, will close its doors after admitting it helped Americans evade US Income taxes.  The settlement of $58 Million may be rejected by a US judge however as too lenient.  This is also the first time a Swiss Bank not only admitted guilt, but also closed its doors, which finally shows the US has the guts to follow through on foreign banks.  This particular bank was apparently small enough to fail.  At least it's a start.

Hey, Crooks Can Sue Too... AIG

I shouldn't be shocked or surprised at the sheer arrogance of the jerks on the AIG board of Directors, but occasionally even they can elicit a gasp of outrage.  They now think the bailout "injured" their stockholders and want to sue the government.  The Baltimore Sun summed up the situation very ably, as did the New Yorker.  AIG was bailed out with BILLIONS of taxpayer Dollars.  Their crash was the result of arrogance, incompetence and greed, and if anybody on this planet deserves to be in prison, it is the AIG executives from that era.

Here is a Summary from Wikipedia.
"The United States Federal Reserve Bank on September 16, 2008 created an $85 billion credit facility to enable the company to meet increased collateral obligations consequent to the credit rating downgrade, in exchange for the issuance of a stock warrant to the Federal Reserve Bank for 79.9% of the equity of AIG. The Federal Reserve Bank and the United States Treasury by May 2009 had increased the potential financial support to AIG, with the support of an investment of as much as $70 billion, a $60 billion credit line and $52.5 billion to buy mortgage-based assets owned or guaranteed by AIG, increasing the total amount available to as much as $182.5 billion"

Update Jan 9, 2012 - AIG says forget it, we ain't suing anyone.

The Cliff, Never Ending Story

By voting to not jump off the cliff today, all we did was postpone the decisions that must be made on how to make our economy sustainable.  I have some grave doubts that we'll find a good way out because of several factors.

1. While we already had a government bought by Corporate interests, the Citizens United decision just accelerated the decline of democracy.  This administration already sucks up to the multi-national corporations, while the Republicans sold out to them ages ago.

2. Multi-National corporations and the 1% already earn an average of $500,000 (a fifth of all earnings) but that's not the real story.  The top 1% now own a third of all American wealth according to the NY Times.  My conclusion, we're screwed, they call the shots given their practically unlimited resources.

3. With tax cuts now made permanent, there are fewer options to gain a balanced budget, given that Defense is a sacred cow, waste and all, and corporate welfare appears untouchable as well.

Fix the Debt Scammers

Our corporate friends at the well funded "Fix the Debt" campaign are still hoping to get "their" tax-cut too.  The Institute for Policy Studies tells how.  Fix the Debt leaders lamented that “Washington missed this magic moment to do something big to reduce the deficit, reform our tax code, and fix our entitlement programs.” in their Press Release.  What they aren't saying is that they're hoping for HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS in "tax reform" measures that they're pushing.  These are the richest of the rich, with companies that pay their CEO's more than they pay in US taxes! 

IPS comments  "The hypocrisy was stunning. We documented, for example, how many of the campaign’s leaders had contributed massively to the national debt through tax-dodging tricks. Twenty-four of them had even paid their CEOs more in 2011 than their firms paid in corporate income taxes. We also calculated that the average Fix the Debt CEO calling for cuts to Social Security themselves had pension assets of $12 million, enough to garner a $65,000 monthly retirement check starting at age 65. "

The Lawyer says he will save you

He filed a $100 Million lawsuit against the school system in order "To stop this happening again."

New Haven, Connecticut-based attorney Irving Pinsky made that claim while appearing on CNN.

"Pinsky, hired by the family of an unidentified six-year-old girl who survived the attack, said 20-year-old Adam Lanza's assault was a "foreseeable event and officials failed to prevent it."  

I think that is disgusting, self-serving crap and I hope he gets all the barbs and arrows he deserves.  He withdrew the suit after the outcry from the public, but says he might refile one in the future.

The Farcical Cliff

The R's played their clown roles up to the last minute, trying to wiggle out of the consequences of their own stupidity while protecting the 2% at all costs.  Not only do I find it hard to take them seriously, I find it hard to believe anyone else does either.  All they seem to know how to do is start wars and not have to pay for them.  Of course the R's and D's had no trouble getting together on funding the pentagon and authorizing warrantless spying bills...  A pox on both their houses.