Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Guide to NSA Terminology

Is NSA Spying on me? - Now we hate to quibble, but the "spying" word is getting misused these days and that causes confusion and anxiety.  You know how much we hate confusion and anxiety, so let's clear this issue up.  If you are a law-abiding US citizen, (Christian or redneck, white, and you know how to pronounce EYE-RACK) then we are not spying, we're keeping you and your loved ones safe.  If however you are a Middle-Eastern looking character, we're all over you bub.

Does the NSA violate our Constitutional rights? - Oh good heavens no, whatever gave you that idea?  Look, ask yourself if today is any different than any other day?  You went about your business and did whatever you wanted to do.  Sure we made a note of every phone call,  text message, google search, twitter inquiry, GPS location, phone image, credit card use, visit to a public place, cab trip, bus trip, Email and spreadsheet update you made and you got a pat-down at the airport, but did that keep you from doing whatever you wanted?  No!  Of course it didn't.  You can be assured we value your Constitutional rights above all else.   Those traitor news reporters only got what they were asking for.  But tell me, was that Italian Restaurant you went to last night any good?  Why did you withdraw $200 and call that sexy ad listed in Backpage?  Were you satisfied with the quality of the Trojan condoms you purchased?  Just asking.

Is the government lying and keeping secrets about what they do? - Absolutely not!  We have been doing this for over 7 years and we've never had a complaint about dishonesty or secrecy.  Why in fact when it was mentioned by a traitorous dangerous psychopath that we were ever on the alert, we divulged that every member of congress had been fully briefed on our activities for years.  There were a few members who said they didn't have a clue, but we have video of them either sleeping or texting somebody during the briefings.

Feel better now?

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