Memorable quotes from Steven Wright
1. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
2. I had amnesia once – or maybe twice.
3. I went to San Francisco . I found someone's heart. Now what?
4. Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
5. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
6. If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride side saddle.
7. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
8. Someone told me I was gullible and, guess what ... I believed them.
9. Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
10. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
11. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
12. My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies a lot.
13. The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
14. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
15. How can there be self-help "groups"?
16. Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
17. Is it just me or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?
18. What did a cured ham have?
6. If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride side saddle.
7. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
8. Someone told me I was gullible and, guess what ... I believed them.
9. Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
10. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
11. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
12. My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies a lot.
13. The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
14. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
15. How can there be self-help "groups"?
16. Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
17. Is it just me or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?
18. What did a cured ham have?
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